Christmas Is For Suckas. Like Me.
Buying Christmas gifts for a spouse is just about one of the most stressful things one can attempt to do. Will this special, gift-wrapped item give the right message? Will it say, "I love you soooooo much!" all the while being useful? Will it be fun? Will it be something that was really needed, but not necessarily romantic? Will it fit in the budget? Could I afford to fit it in the budget? Could it be a gift for "us"? Will be simply jewelry? Will it then be the right jewelry? Could it be a gift certificate? How about cash? Would membership to a gym and workout clothes be taken in the wrong way? Does it have to be better than last year's gift? (a laptop computer that I am using right now.) If I make it myself in the kitchen or with popsicle sticks, will that be construed as cheap? How expensive is The Clapper? Would the box set of The O.C. - The Complete First Season, the latest Janet Evanovich book, assorted cheap jewelry, O Magazine, a ladies golfing set, or other crap on any of those Top-25-Gifts-For-Her-That-Involve-No-Thought-From-You lists be okay? How about that dictionary she has been itching for?
Maybe I'll just get a rope so I can hang myself. That will take out the middle man.
Maybe I'll just get a rope so I can hang myself. That will take out the middle man.
posted by Stephen "Steve" at 12/07/2004 01:13:00 PM
7 Comments:
Let me be the middle woman so you don't have to hang yourself.
1) The item will give the right msg depending on your intent...guaranteed
2)useful/fun/needed/romantic?: see answer #1
3) be kind to your budget; unless you think the economy will bust soon...in which case spend like there is no tomorrow
4)a gift for "us" IS romantic...guaranteed
5)don't get the jewelry if you don't know what she likes (and if not WHY NOT?)
6)gift certificate and cash is OK if you are looking to get divorced
7) gym membership and workout clothes are OK if you have been married 10 or more years
8) better than last year's gift? Everything is better than last year's gift when love continues to blossom with time (and see #3 above)
9) all the other crap you mentioned...I vote NO; except for the dictionary. I have a dictionary of vulgar terms which I dearly love.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU BOTH !
Posted by deb
How about a gigolo for when you go to France, Francie-pants? I'm sure you could make one of those out of popsicle sticks.
Posted by Sara
Excellent way to tease your wife about what she *might* be getting for Christmas. What, did you and Tony go to the same Gift Tease School?
The Clapper? Please, everyone knows the Chia Pet is much better than The Clapper. They have a Scooby Doo Chia Pet these days.
(Good one Sara! Wish I had thought of that one. It's probably funnier coming from you, though.)
Posted by Jeanette
Earlier this year I told him to keep a list of things I want. When I see something I want, I say, "Where is your list? Write this down on your list." I have forgotten every item on that list (except for one, which I saw in the store and got excited about and we bought for Sara and he said, "That was on The List, you know.") So don't have any sympathy for him, girls and/or ladies and/or womyn.
Also, as for France, if this new job works out, the Events team here also does all of the France events and they fly us out there for them. So I may yet get to bang my own French Whore.
Posted by The Wife
Oooh, how exciting. Anything on The List is sure to be good pickin's. Okay, I'm going to go look at your gift now and make sure it's good enough.
Posted by Sara
What do you mean you're going to "look" at my gift? Will your gaze magically make it better?
Also. Um. Remember that we're poor. So don't expect a laptop. M'kay? Also, I've thought of, like, 20 gifts for you and none for anybody else. Maybe I'm just replacing you with me.
Posted by Marigold
Thanks for all the advice, ladies. I think I'll just go with that old staple of Christmas gifts - Metalica action figures. They're NOT dolls! They Rock!
Posted by Steve