No Man is an Island Giveaway

I used to troll the internet for giveaways. Stores too. I would laugh in the face of threats of junk mail. That's what trash cans and span filters are for. But I have lately been distracted from this dubious activity by life and whatnot, so it took me a while to register that Capital One is giving away an island. I am a Capital One card holder. Why haven't I been given the chance to win?!? I can't think of a better prize/gimmick than giving away your own private island. Sure, I could take the million dollars instead, but that's no fun. I would rather be poor with my own island - Steve Land. You can't come.

So I guess I need to send a self address stamped envelope to Capital One for a chance to win. I don't want to, but I think I have to. Even though my chances of winning anything are something like infinity to one (especially given my luck), I feel I have to try. You can laugh at me all you want, but I know that you buy Lottery tickets when that sucker gets up to $300 Mil. The thought of such a insurmountable mountain of cash wins over the sensible part of your brain that knows there's no chance. My own island is like that mountain, but surrounded by water. You can't come.