AMAZING!

Duane Michals spoke here at SCAD last night and I was lucky enough to be in the audience. He is a great conceptual photographer that was very influential on me when I was trying to take pictures. Why don't I do that anymore? Anyway, I once had a project that I had to emulate a particular photographers style in order to learn from his or her technique. I almost used Duane Michals work, but I didn't have a decent story thought up that would be anywhere near as funny and/or profound his usually are. So I copied Jerry Uelsmann's work. Badly.

Duane Michals was an incredibly animated old man. It was like the thoughts were piling up so fast in his brain that his mouth was too slow in getting them out. He stressed lots of stuff. Important stuff. And not just for wannabe photographers. Profound modern social wisdom and how the Republicans are all liars. And he told this joke:

A guy walks into a bar and sees a giant jar filled with hundred dollars bills. He asks the bartender, What's with all the money? He responds, If you put a hundred dollars in the jar and then perform three tasks you can take the whole jar home. Shit! thinks the man, That must be several thousand dollars. What are the three tasks? Number one, says the bartender, is drink a gallon of scotch. Number two: There is a pitt bull out back that has a nasty tooth ache and it has put him in a very bad mood for a long time. I want you to extract that tooth. And number three involves the one hundred year old virgin lady that lives upstairs. You need to sexually satisfy her until she screams.

No wonder so many have failed, thinks the guy. I could never do all that crazy stuff. So he sits down and drinks a few beers. After thinking about it, he works himself up to try the challege. He drops a hundred dollars in the jar and quickly downs the gallon of scotch wiskey. No problem. So he then steps out back to complete the second task. Even through the wall everyone can hear the mauling that is going on outside. There are barks and thumps and squeals and screams. After several minutes of this, the guy steps back in. He is a bloody mess with fresh cuts and bruises all over his torn body. But he is still ready to go. He says, Alright! Now where's this old lady who needs a tooth extracted?