Smack, Smack

Here’s one of those things that annoy me: chewing gum. I usually avoid it, for the aforementioned reason, but occasionally it finds it’s way between my teeth. This fine eve was one of those rare times, and I knew I would regret my unfortunate gum smacking decision. But it was presented in the place of an after-dinner mint, and who could refuse that? Not me.

Some of the gum games I will immediately play is rolling the gum up like croissants, or dividing it up into even, smooth balls, or flattening it to as thin as it will go on my outer gums. I cannot stop these stupid tongue and gum games from happening, even if I tried. It’s like breathing, only more so. The only thing I do not do is blow bubbles. That’s disgusting.

After an hour of chomping my stale, rigid, tasteless gum, I was frustrated, annoyed, and perplexedly angry. Why must my jaw be hurting like this? Why can’t I salivate anymore? Why are others upset with me? Did I mention that I chew gum with my mouth open? I do. And now you, too, are irritated with me. Once I realize that I can actually take the gum out of my mouth and throw it away, oh, so relieved am I. All of a sudden the world is fresh and new, no longer burdened with unnecessary open-mouth chewing. And everybody now loves me, no longer avoiding me like the glue-sniffing pervert I am.